悦楽

i still like him badly.

well.. i gotta go to preticiple a seminar from day after tomorrow.

i had a really god conversation with tom.
we have been friends since last summer.. or longer than that over the skype.
he sometimes use academic word, so its good to study too.

im reading bible nowadays.

i have tooo many things to do, but life is going to be interesting.

とむといい会話をした。
ぼくらはスカイプごしに去年の夏。。かその前から友達だ。
彼はたまに難しい言葉を使うから、いい勉強になる。

最近聖書をよんでるよ。

たくさんしなかんことがあるけど、おもしろくなりはじめた。

I visited a futureteller instead of working.
to tell the truth, it's already my work time when I got up.
my heart was beating sooo fast as hell.
finally I called the shop and told a lie that my grampa is in critical condition.
i didnt want to, but i needed to do to protect myself.

he was a very good guy.
he gave me some advices and bolb of daffodil. then rubber glove.

i broke up with him.
our relation is now more than friends but not in a relationship.
i think about him,and i realized.
he is too ordinary for me.
i am too strange for him.
he cannot deal with me when i gonna be crazy.
i know he does likes me very much and i do like him in the same way.
but..you know..
having a relationship is not so simple.
i often felt pressure when i saw him actually.
i guess he thought so,too.

i know its happen to me,cuz most guys dont have a capacity of treating me.
i sometimes fritened that i would kill my bf by stress.
it seems to me that i do extremely strange things or behavior when i am unstable emotionally.
so, i need to see a doctor or psychologist as he mentioned.

anyway, im kinda depressed as people loose their love.
how can i mend a broken heart?

ive been having it for about a week.
on last Sunday,i visited him after the firld work planting rice.

actually,i was exhausted.
but i didnt explain or excuse it to him.
even though he asked someting, i didnt open my mouth.
so he got mad at me.
its sad of him that he couldnt communicate with me.
sorry for him, but i couldnt say anything.
its already too late to explain my condition to him. cuz i was loosing my emotions.

i regreted wht i didnt tell him it.
poor and pathetic dale...
he worked really hard for me, making fabulous dinner,cleaning up the room and so on.

its unfair! he said so.



i apologized to him in the bed.
and fell a sleep.
he and i woke up again in the darkness, then had a sex. we didnt exchange any words, i gave his cum instead as usual.

when i got up, he already left his house for work.

i like him showing me right way.
i dont want to blummet to the hell.
need to waste the idea that i wanna be a someone's pet.
im mine. not anyone's belonging.

got a hole on left ear.
last night,i was too scared to do, so i asked him to make a hole on my ear instead.

the sound was too loud, but it wasnt that hurt.

he came over here and had a dinner together.
after ate the dessert that he brought, made a hole.
then shower time,and slept.

i do like him.very much.
especially his eyes expressions are soooo charming.

I can't stand that not to get any message from him.
so I complained him.
He said he tried not to be attached to me because he knew more about love than me.
its unfair!
but I like him too much already and dont want him to check his emotions.
he answered he will try.

still annoying to study English...

彼から連絡がないのに我慢できない！
から文句いった。
彼は君より愛についてしってるから、好きになりすぎないようにしてる、と言った。
ずるい！！
でもあたしはすでに彼を好きすぎるし彼に感情をセーブして欲しくない。
彼はやってみるといった。

あー、英語やだーー！

listening to Tom waits and writing it.
he's awesome!!!!!!
sooooooooooooo coooool.


well.. making love with him is fantastic.
I felt as if i melted like a candle cause he was so hot!
actually I cannot remember it well...too nice.
but one thing: I need to study many dirty words, too :p

he always make me really good meal. tastes sooooooooo nice.
I'm so happy to have him as my bf.
talked about him to my mom.

some flower always decorate in the bathroom of his house.
I saw it in other day, it was carnation.
yesterday, it was gerbera.
I thought he probably has a sence of loving flowers and plants.
its a great thing.

トムウェイツききつつかいてます。
彼最高。かっこいい。

ええと、彼との営みは大変素晴らしいです。
彼が素敵で、私はろーそくみたいにとけてるように感じる。
って日本語にするとなんか嫌なんですけどｗｗｗｗ
実はあんまり覚えてない。良すぎて。
でも、ひとつだけ。もっとエロ用語も勉強しないとｗ

彼はいつもとても美味しいご飯を作ってくれる。ほんっとに美味しい。
あたしゃ彼がいて幸せです。
ママンに彼のことをはなしたよ。

彼の家のバスルームにいつも花が飾ってある。
前見たときは、カーネーションだった。
昨日はｇｅｒｂｅｒａだった。
彼は花や植物を愛する才能があると思った。
それは幸せなことだ。

saw him day before yesterday, last night and this morning at his house.
had a good time.
but you know, im in a language struggle..so i use japanese instead of english.
we were suppose to go hike, but a little bit overslept. so..just be lazy.
because his friend will come over his house,i left there.

period is coming in a sudden.
he got sanitary napkins for me. thanks.


おっといと夕べと今朝。彼の家で彼にあった。たのしかった。
でもあたしはスランプだから英語の代わりに日本語を話した。
ハイキングに行く予定だったけど寝坊したのでだらけてました。
彼の友達がくるので、あたしは退散。

時期がきたよー。彼はあたしのために生理のを買ってきてくれた。ありがと。

ahh..It seems to me that I have to change my mind.
I mean...the way of dating with men.

I like to be pampered by bf though, but he always says; Don't be silly. Don't be like a baby, you know, I like you grownup!

I couldn't understand what he meant.
And that's not all, I thought he was cold person.
Otherwise, he usually not even send a email to me...
only he trys to contact me is when he wants to see me.
soooo dryyyy!!!! Even Sahara dessert is nothing to him!!


but now I understood.
I googled about this problem, and I realized.
I try not to judge him how he worry about me, I try to judge how much he keeps his eyes on me instead.
I cannot see him everyday though.

alright, Airi. it's time to grow up!

あああ、考えを変えないとならんよーだ。
あの、男の人との付き合い方です。

彼氏には甘やかされるのがすきなんだけど、
彼はいっつもこう言う。
「ばかいうな、子供みたいになるな。わかるだろ。俺大人の君が好きだ」

全然理解できなかった。
それのみか、冷たい人だなーと思った。
他にもね、彼は基本メールすら送ってこない。
彼があたしに連絡するときは彼があたしにあいたいとき。
ドライすぎ＞＜　サハラ砂漠も目じゃないぜ！

でも今わかった。
このことぐぐって、んでわかったよ。
あたしゃ彼がどれだけあたしを心配してくれるかで
はかるのはやめて、そんかわし彼がどれだけあたしを見てるかにする。
毎日見れないけどね。